7 Secrets To Stop Feeling Like A Failure And Become Unstoppable (with a smile on your face)
You look around you and see people all eagerly proclaiming their new year’s resolutions. You wouldn’t care, but you thought about your own progress since last year. You are not too impressed about yourself.
Somehow you always get a good start but as the year unfolds and the weeks fly by, you get carried away by the old you. And before you know it, another year has gone by with you asking the same question once again.
It is soothing in a way to see that others fail too. However, you don’t want to be like everybody else.
You have ambitions, you have desires, and you have every right to expect to reach them. You deserve this, you know that deep within. But the gap between where you are at and where you want to be is so big that it overwhelms you.
And you start to wonder if it is you that is a failure or if New Year’s resolutions just suck.
Let me tell you, you are not a failure. Nobody is. And yes, the yearly resolution hype sucks. Because it doesn’t work for most people.
However, here is the good news. It does not need to be that way.
Understanding the difference between suffering and pain
If you study people that are successful and happy at what they are doing, you can observe the same patterns repeatedly.
They don’t see “success” as the goal, but as a natural byproduct of being who they are, doing what they love, and the ability to overcome obstacles in their darkest moments in life.
They understand that every painful experience has a purpose. Now there are two things we can do to overcome pain. We either suffer or we transform it:
- Suffering is the CHOICE to live with the pain and to make it part of your life.
- Transformation is the choice to embrace the pain and to accept it as a part of your experience.
It then becomes a catalyst to put us back on our path of self-expression, self-love, purpose and fuller life experience.
Pain is an indicator for us not being in alignment. It can be used as a guide to get back into your natural state. What is your natural state?
Well, go into nature to find out.
For me, it is about expansion, abundance, creative self-expression, joy, peace, harmony. Whatever you associate with nature is also true for you, because you are part of it.
Can you imagine what would it be like to set out your goals in front of you and achieving one after the other?
Can you imagine being not only successful at reaching your goals, but to do so with ease, peace, and out of an inner state of alignment?
Can you imagine reaching your yearly goals in half the time, in a month, or even a week?
How would it be like to say goodbye to hustling, grinding, and fighting your way to the top?
What would it feel like to take inspired action, being in a state of flow, and transforming obstacles into opportunities that catapult you to the next level?
All the while you have a big smile on your face because life is good and keeps getting better and better. Wouldn’t that be something to look forward to?
I cannot claim to have reached all my goals yet. However, I made some significant changes over the last years that help me to feel unstoppable and be much more at peace with myself.
After years of suffering, I finally enjoy the process so much more. And this takes away the pressure to succeed and the feeling of being a failure.
If you are ready to get achieve with ease all the while having a good time, then keep on reading.
7 Secrets to stop feeling like a failure and become unstoppable while having a big smile on your face:
1 — Stop chasing the action
If you are not aligned and act from the inside out, anything you do will create more problems, and be less satisfying. There is always going to be another thing you need to do.
Unfortunately, this is what is commonly accepted as being successful. Being “busy” equals importance. The increasing number of people having a burnout or heart attack might disagree on this.
You know you don’t have to wait until that happens.
Only if you ignore all warning signs that come along the way these are the results you will get. Life gets out of balance if we are out of balance.
And by doing more and more of the things that are not working and that feel bad, you cannot expect to make things better or to even feel better. Right?
Still, this is exactly what most people are doing.
So the first step is to stop! Stop it. Stop it now.
Being out of alignment is like using a measuring device that has not been calibrated. You can still measure, but all results will be wrong.
The same is true for your actions. If you act without being calibrated to your true inner self, your actions will just create more noise and useless results.
Will these actions lead you somewhere? Yes, they will. Is somewhere where you want to be? Probably not.
This being said, make it a priority to be aligned. Once you are, you know what you will need to do. Action will come to you as an inspiration, not as a means to get somewhere you don’t want to be.
And once inspiration hits, all you do is to act on it, because it just feels so damn right, so good that it doesn’t feel like work.
So how to get aligned you may ask?
The motivation for anything we do in life is to feel better. Making a lot of money will make you feel better. Having fulfilling relationships and interactions with people will make you feel better.
Accomplishing a big task will make you feel better. Being in a good shape and health will make you feel better. Why not go for the feeling first?
Whatever we set out to do is motivated by the promise of it making us feel better. Which means raising our vibration or frequency.
Once you reach a state of mental, emotional, and physical harmony you feel aligned with yourself and your purpose. Whatever comes to your mind then, is in alignment with your wishes and life goals.
Only then, will you take the action?
The action is the experience. It is the inspiration that you need to act on. It is the rush of energy the flows through once you are aligned. In this state, you just must do the thing. It feels so natural and intuitive.
You know what to do, what to look for, and how to get the thing you want to get. And in the process, you will get new insights, new inspiration, new opportunities, and challenges to face. These, in turn, will serve as an input to readjust your inner focus once again. Yes, your inner focus, not your outer focus.
2 — Stop going to the pity party
Whenever you set out to achieve something, you will soon encounter plenty of doubts, worries, and even fears.
What if you don’t succeed? What if people find out and laugh at you? What if you get beaten to a point of giving up? Wouldn’t it be better to not start at all and keep the hope alive that one day things will be ready…?
You were just about to leave the pity party where all the “what ifs” and “I don’t know” hang out all day. And as soon as you see the dark road in front of you, you turn around. The party sucks and the music is horrible, but that is what you are familiar with, your good old zone of comfort.
So what to do of the doubts creep in?
Change your focus on what you want.
You don’t know what you want?
Well, find it out.
You know what you want but don’t know how to get there?
Learn from people who have done the thing, who succeeded in the area of life that you want to focus on.
You have tried before and failed and failed again?
Change your focus on why you want something. The bigger why will always win.
If you know why you want something, every decision down the line is already made. Ask yourself: Will it serve to reach my goal yes or no?
The more you dive into the problems, the more you will see of them. This doesn’t mean you should ignore them. But instead of analyzing the problem, why not focus on a solution?
Each obstacle is a test on how badly you want something. Don’t see it as an invitation to forget about your goal and what truly matters to you.
Embrace the mistakes you are going to make on your way. Expect at least 10000 mistakes and see each one of them as a sign that you are on the right track.
This way, the entire process is so much more fun. Yes, enjoy making those mistakes.
Tell your worries, excuses, and doubts that you have got stuff to do (and let them have their pity party without you)
Focus on what you want. Stop focusing on what you don’t want. If you this alone, you cannot fail.
So here is your question:
What do you want?
3 — Decode your future with your past
People tend to define themselves and their lives by their past. They are conditioned to believe the things they always believed and do the things they always did. How can you then expect that things will ever change?
They won’t.
Nobody is going to save you, nobody is going to do it for you, nobody is responsible for what you think, feel, or do.
Only you are.
You feel burdened by your past? Well, change it, one step at a time.
Change the story you keep telling yourself. While engaging in a memory in the present moment you hardwire this reality into your brain. Every time you remember, you see the image of the previous memory. And you overwrite the old memory with your new experience of that memory.
This way you are reliving your past over and over.
Now ask yourself:
Why has the past so much power over you? And who is giving that power to it?
Not sure?
Try this one:
Who is thinking your thoughts, feeling your feelings, and experiencing your experiences?
It is you!
Your brain does not know the difference between reality and memory. So, for you, it may feel just as real. But it is only as real as you want it to be.
All we have is the present moment to experience anything in life. And the past has no place in there unless we give it the permission to do so.
Change your past one step at a time. Appreciate your new experience, then repeat. DO this for the next thirty days in one area of your life and you have created not only a new past but a new identity for yourself.
4 — Win the game with subtle shifts
Whatever change you are going to make, take it easy.
Don’t believe in 90 degrees or even 180 degree turns. You cannot stop a car going full speed in one direction and to make a 180 degree turn suddenly. This doesn’t work physically.
The law of momentum says that you can do only subtle shifts at a time. You will feel the momentum that pushes you in the old direction.
But as you keep holding the new course things will start to fall into place. Then you change a tiny bit more to move further in the desired direction. Step by step, one degree at a time, you create a new trajectory.
Together with the previous step, you will know where you are going. You will understand how your future is going to look like by observing the things you did in the past and up to this moment.
Now that you do thing differently, you can expect different results from the new direction you are heading.
5 — Mental confidence boost
Too many times in my life I have let “I don’t know how to do this” take control over my life. It is okay to not know it of course. But how many times have you taken comfort in this?
If you don’t know how to do it and accept it, you also become the victim of the circumstances. You can either get someone else to do it for you, or you get it done yourself.
There are basically 5 levels of confidence we go through each time we aim to get good at something:
Level 1: I don’t know how to do this
Level 2: I am doing it
Level 3: I did this and I like it
Level 4: I think I am getting good at this
Level 5: I GOT THIS
Ask yourself, what if you approach a situation with a maximum level of confidence, with an “I got this” mindset?
Confidence is attractive and will attract opportunities and solutions you would never look for in a state of “I don’t know how to do this”.
You don’t need to tell everybody how you feel if you have no clue what the heck you are doing. But you can use it as an inner voice of guidance that will always speak to you when you need it.
Make this your new mantra: I got this. And you cannot help but get it.
6- Don’t talk about it until it is done
There are only a few people in the world who really don’t care what other people say. I have my troubles to stop caring completely but I feel myself on the right track. This is not about being completely ignorant to everyone and everybody.
On one side it is about setting boundaries that help you to stay on your new trajectory.
On the other side, it is about who you ask for help.
Before you tell someone about your endeavor ask one question:
Is this person qualified to give me advice on this?
Stop talking about what you are going to do. Let the results speak for themselves. People will approach you on their own and notice how much you have changed (for the better of course 😊)
7 — Pearson’s Law and 3 unexpected friends
A very helpful tool I started using recently is to use Pearson’s Law which says:
“When performance is measured, performance improves. When performance is measured and reported back, the rate of improvement accelerates.”
What does this mean?
Take track of your progress. Write it down in your journal and note how the numbers will change over time.
You want to make more money? How much did you make last week or last month?
You want to lose weight? How much did you weight last week, or last month?
You want to write a book? How many words did you write yesterday?
Track it and the numbers will increase. And you will have proof on paper that you do make progress.
And here are 3 more benefits that come along with doing this on a consistent basis
- Fear of missing out:
If you do something daily, you will keep doing it the longer the streak is. I am currently at a learning streak of 147 days with my Russian Language learning app.
2. Stop comparing yourself:
You have a measure to compare your performance against your own results. No worrying about other people’s achievements other than being inspired by them.
Say goodbye to jealousy and get ready for deeper connection with other people by honoring their achievements and telling them how much you admire them (Door opener)
3. Creativity and focus:
Seeing your numbers stagnate or increase will both fuel your creativity. You will think how to get those numbers up if you are creating content or services of some sort. Or you will intensify your focus if you cannot get those last pounds off your hips.
Start tracking, and traction will start. Take your journal out, write down what you did and off you go. Don’t have your journal yet? Get one.
Smile and become unstoppable
You are not a failure, and you have never been. You have been taught that you need to do something in order to feel better. But that is not true.
You can make yourself feel better before you act. That is the most important lesson. Because wanting to feel better in some way is the first reason to do anything in the first place.
If you don’t feel good just BEING YOU, nothing is ever going to deliver that to you. If you can find that inner connection to who you truly are, enjoy that feeling, and act in alignment with it, the inspiration will come on its own.
Then, anything is achievable.
Joy and expectation result in wonderful creation.
You don’t smile because you achieve, you achieve because you smile. And that is what makes you unstoppable.
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